EXPECTO PATRONUM

so I don’t really know where I fit into people’s lives

just feel kinda lameee

like it’s bare sunny and everyone’s haps etc 

but I don’t tan (my dad’s ginger) and it’s just depressing, and for me all the heat is doing is making my head hurt and making me boiling

not really got much going for myself, aha - massive curly hair, palest skin ever, massive thighs and bum, yet tiny boobs, and some wingey voice, yayyyyyyy lyf

but yeah 

wish I could tan

everyone’s going on about how much they’re tanning and I’ll still look like a pale freak, yayy.

I don’t actually know who my real friends are

and that’s kinda annoying 

cos some people only seem to be my friend when they’re bored/get something out of it 

and I guess some people act like they’re not my friend when they wanna be seen as more popular or whatever

and some people genuinely are but make no effort 

and even those who do don’t always try to see me or whatever

and then there are the people who do try to see me but not a proper arranged thing and it’s all last minute

and some people do make the effort to make an arrangement with me/others but then rarely talk to me/see me and have people they like more than me 

I guess I just wish I had a friend that liked me more than all their other friends and wanted to see me whenever they could and never got bored and would be fine to just come round and watch tv with me and mess around and act like we’re kids…gahhh 

sorrrrrryyy for going on about everything on here if anyone’s reading this, I just don’t wanna post where people know who I am

but I wanna do it again…

so I can’t get something (let’s call it ‘blah’- it’s sorta like a feeling) out of my head and I end up thinking way too much about it..

and blah is taking up so much of my thoughts even though I try not to let it 

and it shouldn’t cos it’s probably wrong on so many levels and just 

idk 

I wish I knew other people’s thoughts sometimes 

So like school’s over (forever omg)

and I should love that 

cos I hated it

but like 

I have no idea what I’m gonna do with my life now (well like for the summer)

cos yeee I’m going on an amazing holiday and all 

but apart from that I will sit around the house and do fuck all 

and everyone else will be hanging out and everything and won’t ask me and I just feel super awks about trying to see people cos like rejection is possibly one of the scariest things

which is one of the reasons I can’t tell people my true thoughts

like this one big ‘thought’ I have 

that some people know - probably too many now

and I shouldn’t have this ‘thought’ 

and I know that

and it probs isn’t reciprocated 

but I still have it…

and idk, I wanna tell the person who this thought is about about it but nowayhosayy 

but yeah

apart from that, I just feel really shitty

like being an only child is kinda dull and I have the most protective parents despite being an adult so if I just left i’d get a bajillion (idk how you spell that) questions and idk if it’s worth it or not. — also whilst talking about them, yeah I love them, but I wanna punch  them in the face sometimes/most of the time

kkkk moving on

so I doubt i’ll get the grades I need to go to uni 

and I guess that’s fine

but I don’t wanna be useless - well more than I am now

and I’ll just sit around doing nothing 

and omg I get so BOREDDDDD at home

I should really stop going on

I’m sorry for typing this all on a blog which isn’t my personal blog, and I don’t even use either anymore, but I needed to get some of this out, and tbh no one will probably read this or anything, and that’s cool, I’d actually like that probably, but I’ve posted it on the internet so technically everyone can read it but none of you know my name so mwahahhaah. 

k so yeah

bye

*smiley faces, kisses and whatnot*